stuck...

Dear Friends,

I have not blogged since having such a terrible fill experience.  I went in and got it adjusted down and it is too loose. I went in for my scheduled fill and they barely put anything in. So I have been frustrated to say the least. I have no restriction.  I can eat whatever I want. And I have been eating "off program" and now my weight is stagnant. I know it is my fault but I want the restriction. Heck, that is why I went thru all of this crap so it can help me stop...heck, make me puke it up if I overstuff. But it isn't.  I was talking to my dear hubby and he said that I need to go see a shrink to get past this plateau.  He has been getting mad at me because he thinks I am not putting myself first. That I will volunteer for all this stuff and do for everyone but myself. I would have to agree that I do it.  As I tried to explain to him I do that because I am an A to B person.  When I volunteer for something I have "A" reason or task.  And then within a reasonable period of time I reach "B" the end of the task and I get a great satisfaction for it.  Like I had no trouble with the 2 week liver shrinking diet.  I was on task and no cheating and I knew that I had to do it so I could have the surgery and it was easy peasy!  I could see the "B" or the end result. But with this journey I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the "B" concept. Because I am at a standstill with my weight and I am getting that "what the hell" it does not matter now.  I will start tomorrow..like it is some sort of diet.  But it isn't supposed to be a diet.  I am finding that you really can eat just about anything.  What restriction? I don't have any restriction. Hell, I can eat chocolate chip cookies, reese's peanut butter cups, and it's Easter and they have those in yummy bite size portions.  Heck, I looked at the Super All Ear Bunny at Wal-world and the whole bunny is 2400 calories.  That is 2-3 days worth of calories.  What the heck? That is crazy.  I have never been a candy type Easter Bunny gal tho. I got my dear daughter cool stuff that will last longer than candy and junk.  Ok I have digressed. But you get my drift.  With this yuckky plateau, I am stuck. 

The good news is I am wearing jeans that I have not been able to wear since my hysterectomy.  That is AWESOME!  It is a true NSV.  I could not get in for a fill until my "scheduled" appt. in 2 weeks so hopefully I don't do too much damage.  For the record I did go see the shrink affiliated with my surgeon and she was really nice and has given me some good tools to work with.  I am thankful for her suggestions.  I am supposed to get in touch with the nutritionist they work with and somehow try to get to the support groups, which I have not been able to do because of my daughters competitive volleyball schedule.  We are gone every weekend at tournaments.  Traveling has been hard on my baby band.  Poor little thing.  Eating at places called Hell's Kitchen in Minneapolis, IMO's in St. Louis, MO. We have to sample the cuisine in each city.  giggle.  Too bad it is not a "sample" I am eating. giggle. Maybe I would be doing better.  Enough whining...I am gonna meet all of y'all in Chicago and I hope, hope, hope that I am down a size or two before I meet all of y'all.  Maybe I just need to go on the 2 week liver shrinking diet and just fool myself until my next fill. Happy hugs friends.

D