Fighting my Inner Lucy

I need to get today off my chest. Because I wanna eat the kitchen because I feel out of control and unable to fix a problem. I am a "fixer" by nature or is it nuture? Not sure. But my dear daughter is in quite a predicament. And I want to "fix the wagon" of the perpertrator. The little she-devils are on my daughters competitive volleyball team. I will call the main perp Lucy for short..a lady lucifer...to make things easy. Lucy decides to lie to my daughter and try to get her to do her assigned job during the tourney so she could be queen bee for the day.My daughter calls her on the foul and finds out that Lucy was lying. She confronts Lucy and then comes to me in tears upset because she is not used to confrontation and bold face liars. It breaks my heart in two to know that this little Lucy is a user and so is her mother. During the entire tournament they bad mouth the coaches, the club owner and anyone that will listen. Yet, for some reason little Lucy always comes out smelling like a rose and getting her way.  Little Lucy throws attitude (all which has been noted by the coaches and the club owners) but yet they say she has "good hands". Lucy has them under her spell.  Lucy pouts, crys and literally throws fits on the court to get her way. We have one very young nerdy coach that is enamored by little Lucy that he can't see the tree through the forest. It is quite inappropriate that a 19 year old is so fond of this 15 year old but I guess that is our MTV world.  It is all so frustrating and makes me wanna eat the kitchen and all that is in it.  I am not sure what to do about little Lucy and her little wanna be satans...wait for the good to overcome evil I suppose.  But that is so hard!  Life lessons suck.  So here I am venting and hoping that one day I can forgive and forget about this fiasco and move on.  And not hit every drive thru window the rest of this week.

On a more positive note...I have not eaten the entire contents of the kitchen and I did not go overboard eating this weekend...even though I know that I don't have much (if any restriction) at all with my band. I know that next Monday will be the day that will change the future as Baby Lilly does her job the way she is supposed too. And helps me become the person that I want to become. Maybe I will also learn how to not be so controlling and let go and not try to fix everything.  This is going to be a long process. 

Oh and I did get a most wonderful comment from my daughter and my "adopted" daughter.  They said my face looked thinner today and that my jacket looked better cuz it was not tight anymore.  I can feel a difference in my clothes.  All a bonus. 

Now that I have vented, I don't need the refrigerator. And I don't need to be a bi&%$. That would be putting myself at the same level as Lucy and her mother. Right?? Only time will tell if I can be the better person and not let my inner Lucy take over.

May this week be better.

D

The Good Doctor

Today I went and saw the good doctor.  He is the "good doctor" because there are NO scales in his office. He is my ear specialist and he is the bomb diggity.  He was a bit of a meany because he had to dig around the tube in my ear and that made my ear ouchy. I did let out a tiny scream so the other patients would know that the room on the left was a torture room and to be happy they weren't placed in that room.  I did have lunch with my dear hubby afterwards and that made it a bit better.  I had my usual chicken salad while he noshed on chips and a brownie for dessert.  I am anxious about my upcoming "fill".   I want to feel a bit more restricted than I am now. I really feel like I can eat just about anything.  Yet I have not tempted the band goddess. As for my bands official name, I think I am going to keep the name Lilly (when she is being nice) and Lillian (when she is being not so nice).  Kind of like when your mom yells your entire name when you are in trouble. I may change her name to reflect a more "soprano-ish" kind of name.  I love the whole Italian thing...kind of jersey shore-ish. It could be that I am just jealous of their dark beautiful skin since I am a translucent pale white girl from the south.  I also like the idea of my lap-band coming from the country of Columbia.   So that would give "Lilly" a spanish accent like my friend Patricia.  I love listening to her talk. It is going to be another long tournament weekend...filled with nacho, pretzels, and hot dogs...I will be bringing my delish protein shakes to avoid the natural food disasters that await in the food courts of hell.  Here is to a food-tabulous weekend!

Please forgive me, It has been 17 days since my last post....

Hoping that I can be forgiven for not posting for 17 days!  What was I thinking? Things are going quite good.  I was released to real food after my post op follow up.  We were traveling the weekend that this happened and so my first "real meal" out was at Granite City Brewery. Unfortunately, it was horrible.  Walleye Fish...yuck.  But it went down fine and was the first non-mushy food I got to eat. So it will go down in history.  Finding lunch in this itty bitty town was like a scavenger hunt.  I ended up finding a place called DD's (next to the Red Roach Inn in El Dorado, KS). I got an over-cooked tiny $6 "loaded" baked potato.  Not sure what it was loaded with.  It does get tricky eating out those first few days.  Then I had grilled fish for dinner and something did not settle right...I think it may be sauces or spicy. Thank goodness for Maalox.  That is the dream med..keep it handy folks.  The week flew by and then we went out of town again. Back to El Dorado but stayed in Wichita.  We ate at Chilis and I ate my first BEEF item.  We shared the slider hamburger meal. I ate one baby slider. It was DELISH.  No problems with beef.  Hooray.  The cow God's were smiling on me.  I think the main thing is chewing.  I ate hamburger for dinner on the road after the tournament and it did not go down very well. Could be I ate too fast or it was too greasy.  Being on a toll road and no where to pull over.  It was sooo painful.  I had to fish in the suitcases for the Maalox.  Ahhh instant relief.  I'm gonna keep that in the car console from now on.  I will tell ya, real food does cause me to be GASSY.  And it isn't the silent kind.  So if you don't wanna poot in front of others, you are gonna be in some serious trouble.  You can be like a loaded gun at times.  


I finally started exercising (like for real).  And it went pretty good.  I'm 3 weeks post surgery and feel pretty good so I felt like I needed to get going since I am supposed to run/walk a 1/2 marathon in June. We have had unusually warm weather for KC this week so I got outside and walked for 40 minutes. Not sure how far that was but there was a huge-mongous hill that did almost kill me.  It is hard to believe that 3 short years ago I ran up that hill.  


My pants are looking a bit more baggy and one pair looks like a family of five could set up camp in them.  I like that a bunch.  The weight loss has slowed waaaay down and I am trying to get used to that.  I was getting used to the 1 lb a day loss.  So BE MENTALLY PREPARED.  I think it is because I'm am eating more "normal" foods and probably don't have much restriction.  I will get restricted on March 7th. The day after my Anniversary.


Overall, I am doing well and I am looking forward to March.


Small Victories:  
1. Loose Pants
2. Did not eat Cupcakes I made for girls.
3. Got off my butt and walked for exercise (but I have walked a lot while shopping)
4. Planning meals.
5. 1/4 of a way down to my goal weight! Whoo Hooo!

SNOWpalooza

Blizzard today.  And I am not talking about with M&M's at Dairy Queen.  Although, the word blizzard does make me want chocolate chip cookie dough to rain from the heavens and mix with the snow. But, it's not that kind of blizzard. Just the real midwest snow kind of blizzard. Which has me hankering for some comfort food...or some red velvet cupcakes. Strange how that happens. I have been doing so good and have not really thought about "bad" foods until today. I think part of it is that I really want "real" food.  Some stick to my ribs kind of food.  And not a mass quantity of any particular food.  Just something that is not pureed or liquified. Normal. I did read the fine print of the after surgery care instructions and maybe, just maybe, the good doc will let me try some real foods after Friday's appointment. I ate a rather large bowl of soup at 1:00PM and I am not hungry at all.  I say "rather large" because it was close to 1 full cup of soup.  I felt pretty dang full and was wondering if perhaps I had pushed the limit. But here it is 4:00PM and my tummy is not demanding to be fed.  I am not sure what is on the dinner menu this evening. Probably something that looks "pukish" and not very appetizing. 


To update you on my status. Painwise...almost non-existant. The thing that is bothering me the most is the tape on steri-strips. I am allergic to tape and by day 7 I am itchy as all get out. I am tempted to play doctor and rip the darn things off....I have been trying to use hydrocortisone cream to alleviate some of that itching but it is driving me crazy.  


Eating wise...I feel like I could probably eat just about anything...within reason...but still doing the puree/liquified stuff.  


We are going out of town this weekend and I won't be so in control of food choices and being able to make my own creations via my Magic Bullet so I am a bit concerned how all that is going to work out. That is why I am hoping that the doctor lets me venture out a bit and try some new foods.  I have to say that going out to eat scares me a bit. I love all the bad stuff and so the smells alone will probably make me a little sad and depressed.  Being at home, you have all the control over the foods and the smells.  We will be at a volleyball tourney in some small hick town in Western Kansas..doubt there will be much to choose from but I will do the best I can.


Will keep you updated from afar.


D