I guess that is the best word to describe what I am feeling. Here it is 6 months after my surgery and I have only lost 30lbs. Most of that was lost in the beginning. I have fluctuated down to 40lbs and then I will bouce right back up again. I guess I thought that this would be sooo easy. I would eat one cup of food and that would be all that I could eat and then I would push myself away from the table and bam! The weight would disappear. I guess that isn't what happens. I must have over-eaten or ate something yuckky for a bit because my band got all squirrelly and I was throwing up all the time. It actually felt good to throw it back up because it was so tight and squeezy that it hurt. Bad. So throwing up was the best option. I was getting pretty gosh darn good at it. But then I started worrying about slippage etc..so I called the doctor and they removed a tiny bit of fluid to get the 'swelling' and irritation to go away. My hubby is 'confused'. He thought I would be slim and svelte by now and now that I'm not, the questions are starting to come from him. Can you eat that? Why are you eating that? Shouldn't you only be eating a cup? How come you can eat more than a cup? How did you eat that? etc...which only depresses me more because I realize that I am a band failure. How embarrassing is that? I want to hide in shame because everyone is looking at me wondering what in the hell I must be eating to still be FAT after the surgery. And even my mom jumped on the band wagon and said that she looks at my success and does not think she will have the surgery. I guess I don't look like much of a success story. Definately won't be seeing my picture on the before and after screen at the doctor. Oh my. I stopped blogging. Stopped everything...hiding. Yup, that is what I have been doing is hiding. Hiding from my own failure that looks at me every time I see a mirror. Drazil sent me an email asking for my input on other bloggers...heck...I haven't even so much as opened a blog. Too much to accept right now. I had such high hopes. And that conference that I was soooo excited about attending. Ha!!! Good gravy. That would be a bomb. Who wants to be in the presence of a band gone wrong? Eeek!
I know I am venting...to no one I suppose...which is good. So glad I did not tell ALL my friends about my blog. Do I try yet another DIET since the band is not working? I dunno. It is messing with my head for sure.
I am gonna read some of those blogs I guess. Maybe, just maybe, there is a tool or technique missed.
D
Deb...Don't lose faith. I was a SLOW loser for the first 8 months. I lost 40 lbs in 8 months, but I never gave up. In my 5th month, I started working out with my personal trainer and it wasn't until the 8th or 9th month that something just clicked and the weight just started to come off.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what your expectations were for the band, how much you work out or what you are eating, but if you feel you are areating too much, you need to set your embarrasment aside and go get a small fill. You ARE NOT a failure. I'm not one to candy coat things, so when I tell you need to refocus on YOU, not on comparing yourself to others, I mean it in the nicest way.
If you give up, failure will win. You are stronger than that! You can do this, but you have to believe in yourself. Tomorrow is a new day with a clean slate and only you have the power to create the future you always dreamed of. :) I am hear for you if you ever need it, as are all the BOOBS. Sometimes asking for help is the first step.
Hugs...stephanie sjoy1972@gmail.com
Thank you so much Stephanie. Wow! I am speechless. Your kindness is just what I needed when I feel like I am looking up to a worm. You are right...I CAN NOT give up. I invested too much time and energy in getting where I am now. I can and will re-focus and do what needs to be done. Thank you so much! You ROCK! This is the perfect week to focus on me...as my dear daughter is off and volleyball camp and all I have to worry about it ME. (and dear hubby) but basically ME. Its like a new start. (I'm feeling a little bit like the Jennifer Hudson commercial...I can hear her little song in the background. giggle) Take care friend and thank you.
ReplyDeleteAwww honey - when you are feeling most down and most discouraged - blog...reach out and ask for help. You are not a failure. You are a human who even with a tool - has to still find your way. You've lost weight - you haven't gained...that's a start...if you look hard enough you'll find MANY blogs where people with a band gain or don't lose for months...and they have to dig deep and keep trying and reach out and somehow everything works out. Believe in yourself....because I do. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI think if we put a time limit on the band we are selling what it can do short.I would never at ONLY 6 months out say anyone is a band failure. I have had the band for over 2 years and have lost over 110 pounds and if I base my overall success on the 1st 6 months it wouldn't have great. I didn't even have decient restriction until 6 months out. I definitely lost the bulk of my weight from 6-12 months after surgery.
ReplyDeletePlease don't give up, the band is a great tool, but sometimes it takes awhile to figure out how to use it best for you. It does take work, but it is life changing once you figure out what you need. Please feel free to send me an email if you ever want to talk.
Deb..please don't think you're a failure. The rate of Weight loss is SO drastically different for each of us. I didn't lose that much the first 6 months either. There is a H.U.G.E. learning curve with the band and I like to joke that I was a slow learner. I tested everything. Please don't think you are a failure! You are always welcome at boobs, just being around other women and talking about it might help you...we all learn from each other, every step of the way. You're one of us, so just ask if you have questions or need help.
ReplyDeleteI'm sending you a big virtual HUG. Feel better?! :)
Please don't give up and sell yourself short. This is hard. Even with the aid of the band, losing weight is hard. I'm about 9 1/2 months out from surgery and I've lost just over 30lbs since then (20 lbs lost pre-op). Not stellar numbers by any means, but I'm plugging away.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I get frustrated and wonder if I made a mistake. I thought I'd be much further along by now. But then I remember that if I didn't have this surgery, I could very easily have gained another 30 lbs in that time so, I focus on that.
Hang in there. 30 lbs in 6 months is great progress.
You've already gotten such great advice, but I just wanted to tell you - DON'T GIVE UP! Keep blogging. So many people disappear when they're struggling, but the times when I've had hurdles all these ladies have helped me out tremendously!
ReplyDeleteYou need to tell your loved ones to back off because they're impeding your weight loss by expecting TOO much of you. Not everyone loses 80 lbs in the first 6 months, or even the first year! Doesn't mean you're not a success, but you can be a model for the people who aren't as fast out of the gate... but you WILL get there. I don't even know ya and I believe in you.
If you're still throwing up that often, I'd say go in for an unfill and be honest with yourself about your caloric intake. (For instance, yesterday I ate about 1700, when my goal for the day is 1200! Oops.) If you have the ability to eat more healthful options I know you'll make better choices, but if you live in fear of eating, you'll resort to sliders.
There is no special tool, the band is the tool, you just have to believe in yourself. *hugs* Lord knows we all do!
I concur with the above, you have lots of good advice there - I just wanted to jump on the "don't give up" bandwagon! You are doing fine and you'll get there. There's no timeline and you'll get where you need to go. Hugs to you!
ReplyDelete